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Help & Advice

Advice for Service Providers

Your Profile

YOUR PROFILE

Without meaning to teach you how to suck eggs! Please complete the list in your profile stating what disabilities/illnesses/symptoms you are happy to work with. (These may be things you have experience of, either in a work or personal setting or just things that you know won’t be an issue for you). 

Please give clients the choice of emailing or phoning you as not everyone can talk clearly on the phone and not everybody can type easily on a phone or computer. 

Give potential clients as much information about you as possible. You will be required to have a professional online presence to be accepted onto this website.

If you experience problems with a client and would like to warn other others, please inform us as they may have a membership with us and use other safety systems such as

https://uglymugs.org/um/       National Ugly Mugs

https://www.clienteye.app/     Client Eye

https://saafe.info/                      Support and Advice for Escorts

 

Seeing the disabled

Whilst we are aware that Disabled clients are just as likely as able-bodied clients to be timewasters – please give a little more patience as communication issues may be down to a learning difficulty, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, problems typing or speaking or just plain old nerves. Please give clear and direct instructions on your expectations of them and ask them to do the same with you.

Bear in mind you may be contacted by a family member, friend or professional on behalf of a client if their disability means that they cannot call or email you.

Be prepared to discuss the session at length in advance, to ensure you have enough information about somebody’s potentially complex needs. Think about:

  • The nature of their impairment and anything you need to know about it.
  • Can they visit you? Is your place accessible to them? If not and you are doing an outcall, will support staff be present on the premises? Can support staff get them ready for your arrival?
  • The time required and how they can maximise their time – such as ensuring that they are ready when you arrive or allowing them extra time to get up your stairs, helping them undress.
  • What their needs are? Many may seek an education on how to enjoy their bodies and how to please a partner. Some may be more focused on relaxation, kisses and cuddles. Some may like a massage if this is a service you offer. Some may be very aware of themselves as sexual beings and know exactly what they want. This may include kinks and fetishes. They should have checked that you offer these services already!
  • How the money will be paid and is there going to be a deposit?
  • You may need to find out how they like to be touched and they should tell you if anything you do feels uncomfortable. Most people assume that someone with a disabled body needs gentleness but it may be quite the opposite.
  • Striptease artists may want to work out how to please each client, for example if they are blind, might you let them smell you or even touch you, with your guidance?

Advice for Clients

Advice for female clients

Women rarely hire men and you would be best off asking for guidance on making your selection. Some women may choose to have a female sex worker because it feels safer.

We ask women to contact us if you wish to hire a male sex worker. It’s too easy to be lured by unprofessional men who do not really understand the needs of disabled clients, so we would rather you came to us, so we can help you find someone suitable. Also, many men who offer sexual services only do so for other men (i.e.: they are gay) so you need to check who each service provider caters to.

You can email admin on admin@tlc-trust.org.uk and someone can give you a call if you would rather chat in person.

Costs

Costs vary throughout the industry and providers can set their prices as they see fit. If someone charges more than you can afford, then save up for longer. We advise against asking for a discount as this is frowned upon. Maybe once you have met a provider and discuss making it a more regular arrangement then you may ask if you can negotiate on costs.

Please remember, these Providers are charging you the same as they would any other client and your situation may be far more complex than others. They will potentially be putting in far more time talking to you and preparing for your booking than they might for most people. This is not meant to make you feel bad – but to draw attention to the extra mile many of these providers are prepared to go to meet your needs. So, don’t haggle. Don’t moan about the cost. It won’t get you anywhere.

You are perfectly entitled to save from your benefits to pay for sexual services if you wish. There is an element of benefits that is aimed at having your social and emotional needs met and this comes under that heading. If anyone questions this, ask them if you are not entitled to save for a holiday? Or get a massage? Or pay for counselling if you chose to? So, the only difference here is the moral objections of the person questioning you to sex.

Making a booking

To find a sexual service, please note: we do not normally get involved in setting up a booking (but we will give help and advice to female clients) so just look at the profiles in your area and contact the ones you think would be good, to make sure they are right for the job. If your carer is unwilling to support you, remind them that it is illegal not to support you to enjoy pleasures which other people enjoy in the privacy of their own homes, as this is discrimination. If this does not work, please contact us.

Visit our “Find a Provider” tab and search by city, county or provider’s name if you know someone already.

Read the Golden Rules for Members.

Read the providers profile to see if they offer the services you want, if they are in your area, if they can visit you or if you must go to them, prices etc. If you message a provider asking a load of questions that they have already spent time and effort including in their profile, they will likely write you off as a timewaster. If you cannot read their profile – explain why and put all your questions in one communication.

ASK YOUR SERVICE PROVIDER TO:

  • Agree what support can be available to you – e.g. your friend, parent or care provider prepare you beforehand, wait outside then come back to wash and dress you. NB some care professionals don’t like to leave their vulnerable client alone with strangers and might want to be there at least at the beginning of the session. 

It is very common amongst disabled as well as non-disabled people, to make a real mess of trying to book a Sex Worker. People just don’t think this through in advance and you really need to. They can also have unrealistic expectations, and then come away disappointed.

This section is to help prepare you.

POINTS TO CONSIDER

  • If you have worries about having sex with a stranger, the professional may agree to meet you in advance, but is likely to want payment for this time.
  • Some providers may request a deposit – especially if there is travel involved.
  • You may need to tell the professionals how they may need to adapt their services to suit you. Inform them in full of your situation – any communication issues, physical boundaries, what to do if you need help during a visit etc.
  • Sex professionals take their sexual health very seriously and most go for regular STI screening. They will provide their own condoms, if you have a latex allergy please let them know. Most will have a supply of latex free condoms.
  • If you’ve not been able to get an erection previously because the condom makes you lose it, you could opt for non-penetrative sex, or ask the sex worker to wear a female condom.
  • It is not essential to have sexual intercourse: you can choose which activities you want to happen.
  • If you have no idea what you want, tell your service provider to try things to help you decide.
  • Some sex professionals visit, whereas others like to work only in their own place. The services different workers also vary. This information will be clearly available on their profile. If the information you need isn’t there then ask.

Then either send an e-mail, phone or text the provider (they may have stated a preferred method of communication in their advert) and state that you would like to arrange a booking and that you found them on The TLC Trust website.

THINGS YOU MAY NEED TO KNOW

 Here are some questions that may need answers regarding the encounter:

  1. If you are seeing the service provider in your own bedroom, do you want it to be tidied up and made to look less medicalized?
  2. If you have specific care needs, will your PA / care-worker be available?
  3. Do you want to be naked, or dressed up?
  4. Who will see to your personal hygiene needs before the session?
  5. Will you need to alter your diet (if it affects toileting) before the session?
  6. Might a hoist be needed?
  7. The service provider might not be quite as you expect so try not to build up a picture of them in advance.
  8. How will the money be ready?
  9. Who will look after your personal hygiene after the session?
  10. Who would you like to transport you to the service provider (for an outcall)?

If there is no service provider listed on this site suitable for your needs and/or local enough, there are multiple websites where Sexual service providers advertise. The biggest in the UK is probably Adultwork or just type escort finder and your hometown into a search engine and look around. You can make a ‘reverse booking’ on Adultwork whereby you describe the service you require and see which service providers contact you.  You can also search providers by ‘services offered’ and there is a ‘Disabilities’ box that providers who are happy to see disabled clients will have ticked.

Other websites will not have screened their providers but by looking at the length of time working, feedback, verification etc you can see that some will be more reliable than others.

If you want a Tantric practitioner or Sexological bodyworker but none local to you are featured on this website, look at https://shaktitantra.co.uk/ or https://www.sexologicalbodywork.co.uk/register-of-practitioners/

These both list reliable people.

You will probably find plenty of choice. Telephone, discuss and listen, and you will be able to work out if they sound suitable, by the way they answer your questions.

Ask your provider to:
  • Agree what support can be available to you – e.g. your friend, parent or care provider prepare you beforehand, wait outside then come back to wash and dress you. NB some care professionals don’t like to leave their vulnerable client alone with strangers and might want to be there at least at the beginning of the session. 

It is very common amongst disabled as well as non-disabled people, to make a real mess of trying to book a Sex Worker. People just don’t think this through in advance and you really need to. They can also have unrealistic expectations, and then come away disappointed.

This section is to help prepare you.

Points to consider
  • If you have worries about having sex with a stranger, the professional may agree to meet you in advance, but is likely to want payment for this time.
  • Some providers may request a deposit – especially if there is travel involved.
  • You may need to tell the professionals how they may need to adapt their services to suit you. Inform them in full of your situation – any communication issues, physical boundaries, what to do if you need help during a visit etc.
  • Sex professionals take their sexual health very seriously and most go for regular STI screening. They will provide their own condoms, if you have a latex allergy please let them know. Most will have a supply of latex free condoms.
  • If you’ve not been able to get an erection previously because the condom makes you lose it, you could opt for non-penetrative sex, or ask the sex worker to wear a female condom.
  • It is not essential to have sexual intercourse: you can choose which activities you want to happen.
  • If you have no idea what you want, tell your service provider to try things to help you decide.
  • Some sex professionals visit, whereas others like to work only in their own place. The services different workers also vary. This information will be clearly available on their profile. If the information you need isn’t there then ask.

Then either send an e-mail, phone or text the provider (they may have stated a preferred method of communication in their advert) and state that you would like to arrange a booking and that you found them on The TLC Trust website.

Things you man need to know

Here are some questions that may need answers regarding the encounter:

  1. If you are seeing the service provider in your own bedroom, do you want it to be tidied up and made to look less medicalized?
  2. If you have specific care needs, will your PA / care-worker be available?
  3. Do you want to be naked, or dressed up?
  4. Who will see to your personal hygiene needs before the session?
  5. Will you need to alter your diet (if it affects toileting) before the session?
  6. Might a hoist be needed?
  7. The service provider might not be quite as you expect so try not to build up a picture of them in advance.
  8. How will the money be ready?
  9. Who will look after your personal hygiene after the session?
  10. Who would you like to transport you to the service provider (for an outcall)?

If there is no service provider listed on this site suitable for your needs and/or local enough, there are multiple websites where Sexual service providers advertise. The biggest in the UK is probably Adultwork or just type escort finder and your hometown into a search engine and look around. You can make a ‘reverse booking’ on Adultwork whereby you describe the service you require and see which service providers contact you.  You can also search providers by ‘services offered’ and there is a ‘Disabilities’ box that providers who are happy to see disabled clients will have ticked.

Other websites will not have screened their providers but by looking at the length of time working, feedback, verification etc you can see that some will be more reliable than others.

If you want a Tantric practitioner or Sexological bodyworker but none local to you are featured on this website, look at https://shaktitantra.co.uk/ or https://www.sexologicalbodywork.co.uk/register-of-practitioners/

These both list reliable people.

You will probably find plenty of choice. Telephone, discuss and listen, and you will be able to work out if they sound suitable, by the way they answer your questions.

Advice for Parents

Advice for Parents

Some parents may understandably prefer not to be involved but what if there is no one else to do it. Perhaps there is someone else who can help your Adult child (Siblings? Aunt/Uncle? Support worker? Social Worker? Friend of yours? Friend of theirs?). Remember they are an adult and capable of making their own decisions and deserving of having their needs met and not missing out on experiences because of their disability.

You can rest assured that the service providers you find on our website are likable, reliable, honest and highly professional and we have never had a complaint about them in since we began in 2000. If, however you find someone to be less than helpful please do let us know straight away.

Some parents are cool about supporting their young daughter or son to enjoy a sexual service, whilst others can’t stand the idea of it. Many people have read negative press on prostitution and believe most sex workers are trafficked and all sex work is violence to women. This is propaganda spread by religious and radical groups aiming to put an end to a service which is as old as human history. All our Service Providers are independent and chose to do this job, even more so with disabled clients as they are under no obligation to see anyone that they do not want to.

You may need to let go and realise your child has become an adult, with a normal sex drive and sexual needs. They may have been deprived normal teenage sexual experimentation and fun and need to catch up for lost time.  

 If he or she has a short life expectancy, then there even more urgency and importance that they enjoy as much as possible in the time left for them.  They could die before knowing what it’s like to enjoy sex, so. you may need to learn what services they would like and let them know what services are available and the two of you can decide which ones would be most suitable.

Advice for professionals 

Advice to Health Professionals

Please read our website and learn about this area of work and the type of transactions which take place, instead of calling us up for basic advice.

  • It is perfectly legal to contact a sex worker on behalf of a disabled person and make the booking arrangements. 
  • It is perfectly legal for a disabled resident to invite a sex worker into their room in their residential establishment or hospice.
  • Personal benefits certainly can legally cover costs. There is an element of disability benefits that is there to enable the emotional, physical and social needs of the individual and sexual services fall under these areas for many people. In the same way that a client can save up from their benefits for a holiday, massage, hair cut or trips out, they can save for sexual/intimate services. 
  • If your client lacks mental capacity, you and members of your team can decide what is in their best interest and document how this decision was reached and, once this is done, legally proceed to find sexual help for him or her.

If you feel ill-equipped to discuss sex with clients, or feel insure about initiating discussions, then visit http://www.sexualrespect.com/ and talk to your line manager. 

We recommend “Supporting Disabled People with their Sexual Lives – A Clear Guide for Health and Social Care Professionals” Tuppy Owens and Claire de Than (2015) Jessica Kingsley Publishers. 

If there is no service provider, or no suitable service provider in your area (remember most service providers will travel) please try https://www.adultwork.com/Login.asp? or https://www.ukadultzone.com/ or, if your client is gay, go to https://www.sleepyboy.com/index.php or  https://www.gaydar.net/ to see if you can find someone suitable. If they do a good job, please suggest they register on this site.

Advice for Health Professionals working in residences and hospices

Too many homes and hospices are held back by their trustees and governors who fear local or national scandal if sex workers are allowed into their establishments. You need to inform your board that it is illegal NOT to support your disabled residents to enjoy the same pleasures as others enjoy in the privacy of their own homes. Policies need to be drawn up for procedures to secure the safety and reputation of the home, at the same time as providing this support.

Obviously, a visit by a service provider needs to be handled discreetly so that other residents don’t know about it, and staff behave professionally. If members of staff object, they need to work elsewhere in your establishment, or leave.

 It’s best if the booking is arranged to take place in a private room. If the client does not have their own bedroom then another arrangement needs to be made. 

The law around a residential home paying for this service is complicated, seek legal guidance. It is recommended that the costs for a service come out of the client’s own funds. 

The mental capacity required for consent to sex is not at a high level and it should not be assumed that any person lacks it. If your client truly lacks mental capacity to make decisions about sex because they have been assessed as being unable to understand what is involved and any risks involved for them, then it is important to consider whether they could be helped by tailored sex and relationship education. If so, then you may have a duty to provide it before taking any measures to restrict their life. They still have relevant human rights, so take expert advice.

We recommend “Supporting Disabled People with their Sexual Lives – A Clear Guide for Health and Social Care Professionals” Tuppy Owens and Claire de Than (2015) Jessica Kingsley Publishers. 

Financial Advice for catastrophic injury complex claims solicitors

If you are a Solicitor making a claim on behalf of a client who has suffered a life changing injury – consider these costs as part of your claim.

Cost per visit by sex worker: £180 (or £150 plus travel).

Cost per visit to sex worker: £150.

Frequency: Weekly.

Duration: Till the age of their death

Sex work and disability stigma

Sex work and disability stigma

Increasingly people are believing what they see in the media and pornography is what they need to aspire to. Consequently, many people have very unrealistic expectations about sexual function and performance and are left feeling inadequate or inept.

Sex Workers are experienced in the realities of sex and can kindly guide you and advise you as to what is normal/unusual. Our Sexual Services Providers chose to work in this business and chose to work specifically with clients with disabilities. 

Having been providing this service for well over a decade, we have come across all kinds of situations and experiences, and this advice is based on what we have learned. However, you may not relate to what is written, and we don’t want you to feel left out or think we are generalising. Let us know about your situation so we can support you and add your experiences to this list of guidelines:

I’d rather have a girlfriend/boyfriend – of course, most people would, but the relationship you have with your service provider will be an intimate friendly, if professional one, and can prepare you so that, when you meet someone whom you share chemistry with, you will be more confident in yourself and knowledgeable enough to form a great sexual relationship with them.

I don’t want to pay for sex (for a variety of reasons). Consider what these reasons are and talk to someone about them. Are your concerns based in reality or on assumptions Look upon it as an education and a way to learn more about sex and yourself.

My parents / care staff disapprove. Tell them that it is illegal not to support you. If they continue, use a hotel for sexual service. Hire a carer or ask a friend to take you there, prepare you and clean you up and dress you afterwards, then take you back again.

My care staff refuse to wash me after seeing a sex worker. Threaten to report them unless they wash you respectfully.

I have nobody to tell about my amazing visits to sex workers Make friends in the Outsiders Club. http://www.outsiders.org.uk/outsidersclub/

I am afraid I will become addicted to sex workers and become unable to start a relationship. Tell your sex workers about you worry and ask them to prepare you for finding a partner. 

I’m gay and seek a male sex worker. If there is nobody local on this site, try another site such as https://www.sleepyboy.com/index.php or https://www.gaydar.net/

I want to learn how to be a Dominatrix.  Contact one and find out how much they charge for training and if they can accommodate your needs. 

I don’t want sex with a stranger and need to meet the sex worker first. Arrange for such a meeting but bear in mind you will probably need to pay them for their time. 

I have no genitals as they were removed — how can I get help? A sex worker or Sexological Bodyworker can help you explore your body, help you to like and enjoy it, and train you how to be sexual and make love to a partner.

I hate my genitals but need to get over this. A Tantric practitioner is probably best placed to support you on this journey.

I am a female with cerebral palsy and sex for me is painful.  A sex worker or a Sexological Bodyworker can teach you how to relax and enjoy penetrative sex. Having an orgasm first will relax your body and stop spasms.

Shame. If you would personally feel grubby or ashamed to book a sexual service, please look upon it as an education – for them to teach you what your body can enjoy, and how to please a partner. They will teach learning impaired people how to masturbate. They are at your service.

Press and Media

Press and Media

Please do not contact our service providers or members directly but contact us directly on admin@tlc-trust.org.uk and we can ask if people are happy to have you contact them. 

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