Testimonial for TLC Trust.
Hi, I’m Marianne
I’ve been a Sexual Service Provider for 6 years now – with a huge variety of clients which includes people with physical and learning differences and mental health issues.
I grew up alongside disability and have lived with, worked with and supported people with varying needs my whole life. My mother had Multiple Sclerosis and was diagnosed about 4 years before I was born. I have vague memories of when she only needed a stick but for most of my childhood, she used a walking frame or a wheelchair. We also had an array of commode’s around the house, so my experience of disability, nudity and bodily function was that it was perfectly normal. I recall her needing a poo during dinner once and as she sat there on said portable commode, I joked ‘in one end and out the other’. She laughed so much she couldn’t finish her food!
I went into care and support work at 18 and then went on to qualify as a social worker – specialising in children and fostering but this did still give me a variety of interactions with disabled people. I’ve done a lot of personal care jobs over the years as well.
So, when I started Sex Work I thought ‘Well if I am ok with cleaning up poo and vomit and whatever else, why does it matter if the guy who’s dick I’m sucking has a pubic catheter?’ Well it doesn’t does it!
I love many aspects of my job; one part is the happiness that I provide others. The relaxation, the endorphins released when a person has an orgasm, the listening ear at times and just generally making people feel a little better about themselves. With my disabled clients this satisfaction is tripled for me as I’m aware that they may not have been able to experience this before the fact I can help them experience things that most people take for granted in life, gives me great joy.
For example, ‘John’ has severe Cerebral Palsy and is non-verbal and cannot stand or sit unaided. He was 41 the first time I visited him. His support manager had contacted me and we arranged a 3-way meeting where John and I could meet and the support manager could explain John’s needs and communication. The second meeting, which was the sexual meeting was a million things all at once. Bear in mind John had never seen a real-life naked lady. Never been kissed in a sexual/sensual manner. Never had his penis touched in a sexual way. Never lain in bed and cuddled someone. At the age of 41 he had never had a sexual experience of any kind. And he can’t talk! So, I won’t go into details but suffice to say we laughed, I talked a lot, asked for consent a lot, wiped up a lot of spit, was an acrobat on an electric bed with an inflatable mattress (to prevent bed sores) and John looked so amazed and delighted the whole time. Afterwards he just couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. I have visited him regularly now for the past year or so but his support worker is going to see if he can find someone else. Not because I’ve done anything wrong, but because John wants to see what it’s like with another woman! I don’t blame him, 42 and only been with one woman – he needs to expand his horizons a bit! And I’m not offended because I understand, and at the end of the day it’s my job but it’s about his choices.
So that’s just a little tale of why it makes me so happy to be able to provide my services to people with different situations.
The government is currently looking seriously at bringing in legislation to make it illegal to pay for sexual services. They are saying that this will help prevent trafficking. Whilst I’m sure we all agree, trafficking is a horrendous crime (that is already legislated against anyway) I cannot see the sense in the plan. What would occur is that John would not be able to access any sexual/sensual service as he would be breaking the law to do so. His support manager would not be able to liaise with workers on John’s behalf and John cannot communicate with us himself. It would simply prevent many people with special needs from being allowed to have the right to a sex life. And that would be a travesty.
So, I will campaign, and I will continue to provide services to any person, whatever their special needs are if I can accommodate them. Sex Work is a legitimate and often very skilled profession. Let’s hope that one day the rest of society can view it like that and give us the credit we deserve.
Thank you for reading xxx