Advice

All Services Available – those provided here are in red

  • Striptease
  • Webcam Services
  • Phone sex operators
  • Massage
  • Tantric Practice
  • Sexological Bodywork
  • Sex work / Escorts
  • Domination and BDSM
  • Body Image Therapy

Advice

  • Advice to Disabled People
  • General Advice to Health Professionals
  • Advice for Health Professionals working in Residences and Hospices
  • Advice for Health Professionals sourcing specialist services
  • Financial Advice for Catastrophic Injury Complex Claims Solicitors
  • Advice to Parents
  • Advice for Service Providers

tuppy2low-resMaking the most of the wide range of services available

Hiring a sexual service with a positive attitude can transform a disabled person’s life so that they become confident, no longer frustrated, and ready to enjoy life to the full. It can comfort those at the end of their lives and make their last days enjoyable. It can provide incredibly powerful fantasies that fuel sexual enjoyment for your whole life.

Some men who just want to have a bit of fun, club together to hire an escort who services them individually in the same house,flat, or residence. This is cheaper than each of them paying for a visit separately.

Some people don’t want to go so far as hiring a sexual service yet. There are other options:

1) Striptease

Watching striptease can be highly enjoyable, aspirational, and a turn on. When advising your client to go to a strip pub or club, be sure to steer them away from the sterile big American-style lapdancing clubs where the dancers don’t enjoy creativity and self expression. If you want to hire a stripper to perform for you in private or for your residence as a Saturday night performance treat, and there is no local stripper on our website profiles, contact a local striptease agent or a strip pub to discuss the options. Both men and women can enjoy female and male strippers. Male strippers tend to be funny and invite people up on stage to do pretend blow jobs under a cloth, etc. Most of it is good fun and inspire the audience to feel liberated and more aware of their bodies.

When stripping for disabled people the stripper may spend time with each of them flirting and making them feel special. Jo King, the famous stripper, now teaches disabled women how to flirt, be seductive and have sexual confidence.

Some disabled people find the idea of a sex worker would be too overwhelming and choose a striptease artist instead. Note that if you get horny but are physically unable to masturbate, strippers don’t wank clients off.

See pictures of a deaf blind man enjoying a striptease at our conference Disability: Sex, Relationships and Pleasure at the Royal Society of Medicine in London at http://shada.org.uk/wp2/?page_id=38

Others arrange or go to a stag night where there is a girl or several girls, and perhaps a comedian, who put on a show and and then hand jobs and or oral sex, may be on offer. These are becoming rare.

 

2) Webcam Services

Professionals provide flirtation and stripping live online, to the clients’ wishes, so they have virtual sex together while the client sits in the comfort of their own home, and masturbates to orgasm. Some unsavoury websites squeeze more money out of paying clients before more sex can take place, so you may need to alert your disabled clients to this. Perhaps the two safest sites currently offering this services are ifriends and Cam4. Cam4 includes men and trans people as well as girls. Some of the performers are disabled — they sit on the bed and can be watched looking sexy when they cannot walk, and thus earn money without having to go out to work. They do have to be self-assured and tough to do this work, but disabled clients might prefer them. Relationships can be built up so a web worker knows their client’s requirements and how to get them off. Other interactions can be very impersonal, leaving a disabled client feeling uncared for, but really it’s up to the client to form a good relationship.

 

3) Phone Sex Operators

People skilled at turning clients on verbally till they reach orgasm. Good ones cut to the heart of their clients’ fantasies, and take them on exaggerated erotic journeys in their head.

 

4) Massage

A professional massage can help you to reclaim your body and help you learn to receive pleasure. This can be a life-changing experience for someone who has only been poked, received treatment, and operated on. The masseur/se will keep it modest and not venture towards your genitals or breasts unless you have ordered a sexual massage. A sexual massage will end in orgasm. A Tantric massage may or may not end in orgasm, and will help you to learn to appreciate the pleasure of the here and now, and enjoy your whole body. NB Massage Therapists do not ofer sexual massage.

 

6) Tantric Practice

Offers :-

  1. a) self-development programmes that focus on all aspects of adult intimacy and relationships
  2. b) Tantra is being totally present in each moment which means letting go of performance goals. This acts as a powerful antidote to our goal-oriented view of sexual activity. The digital age considers the mind as superior which can create a disconnect from the body. Tantric practices encourage us to celebrate our physical body and connect to our physical response so that we can expand our arousal. This allows us to stay in our pleasure for longer and experience altered states of consciousness.
  3. c) By letting go of the goals of erection, orgasm and intercourse; we can be creative in our exploration of pleasure including the vast realm of sensual eroticism. We replace the ‘P’ of performance with the ‘P’ of pleasure. For example, Tantric practice includes a structured sensual massage which is designed to encourage relaxation and to awaken the sensual response throughout the whole body. This allows for an expanded experience of pleasure which is not dependant on the genitals or breasts, includes primary, secondary and tertiary erogenous zones and can lead to the sensation of a full-body orgasm
  4. d) people with disability can explore the possibilities of their pleasure in a conscious and responsible manner
  5. e) At the moment, Tantra is unregulated which means that it is important to find a reputable practitioner which includes, you will be happy to learn, all those listed here.

 

7) Sexological Bodywork and Psychosexual Somatic Prancice

Both of these are focused on helping people overcome any blocks or trauma to their sexual expression and enjoyment. In both sexological bodywork and psychosexual somatic practice, the practitioners engage in one-way touch and remain clothed.

An exciting development is that there is now a governing body for all professionals offering bodywork (i.e. touch) as part of their service. Practitioners can join ASIS which means that they can get full insurance cover for their work and there is a code of ethics which aims to support both clients and professionals.

 

8) Sex Work / Escorts

Sex work is also not regulated but those on this site have been vetted. Most have much experience and have evolved to specialise in giving clients their version of fabulous sex. We encourage them to be specific in their profiles about what they provide. Most escorts provide girlfrien and boyfriend experiences which some disabled people like. Being seen out with a pretty girl or hot guy boosts their ego!

Some sex workers call themselves sexual surrogates, maybe for more respectability. We at TLC want to promote sex work as respectable! Some surrogates follow the traditional style of surrogacy, providing a structured programme of sessions and maybe working with a therapist.

 

9) BDSM

There are many kinds of kinky sex and disabled people are just as likely to enjoy it, if not more likely. They may be reluctant to talk about their preferences to relatives and their care professionals unless they feel comfortable that they won’t be judgemental. Most disabled people dependent on care are worried about their care diminishing as a result of their sexual tastes.

The types of BDSM include bondage, domination, whipping, flogging, treating them like a dog or other animal, wanting obedience or to be obedient.

If a disabled person cannot move, they could use their voice to instruct their partner (paid or unpaid) to provide the kind of sex they want, but this needs to be because they really have natural traits of  domination.

 

10) Body Image Therapy

There are many different kinds and all of them aimto make disabled people feel more confident about their bodies, their appearance and attractiveness. We all need sexual confidence and there are many ways to gain it, before you set out on the dating game — See “Confidence” in the menu bar in www.Outsiders.org.uk. Obviously a major route to gaining sexual confidence is to see a TLC service provider and say you want to become more sexually confident.

Advice to Disabled People

Increasingly people are believing what they see in the media and pornography is what they need to aspire to. Consequently, many people have very unrealistic expectations about sexual function and performance and are left feeling inadequate or inept.

Having been providing this service for well over a decade, we have come across all kinds of situations and experiences, and this advice is based on what we have learned. However, you may not relate to what is written, and we don’t want you to feel left out or think we are generalising. Let us know about your situation so we can support you and add your experiences to this list of guidelines:

I’d rather have a girlfriend/boyfriend – of course, most people would, but the relationship you have with your service provider will be an intimate friendly, if professional one, and can prepare you so that, when you meet someone whom you share chemistry with, you will be more confident in yourself and knowledgeable enough to form a great sexual relationship with them.

How can I be sure I won’t catch a disease off a sex worker? They only have safer sex with clients and always use a condom. You are much more likely to catch an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) from someone you meet in a club or elsewhere.

I always lose my erection once the condom is on. Have non-penetrative sex or try sex where the partner to be penetrated uses a female condom, which goes inside them.

I am a disabled female and want to pay for sex with a man. Call us up to find someone suitable.

I don’t want to pay for sex as this might make me feel grubby. Look upon it as an education and a way to learn more about sex and yourself.

My parents / care staff disapprove. Tell them that it is illegal not to support you. If they continue, use a hotel for sexual service. Hire a carer or ask a friend to take you there, prepare you and clean you up and dress you afterwards, then take you back again.

My care staff refuse to wash me after seeing a sex worker. Threaten to report them unless they wash you respectfully.

I have nobody to tell about my amazing visits to sex workers Make friends in the Outsiders Club

I am afraid I will become addicted to sex workers and become unable to start a relationship Tell your sex workers about you worry and ask them to prepare you for finding a partner

I’m gay and seek a male sex worker If there is nobody local on this site, try Gaydar

I want to learn how to be a dom/domme Visit one and ask to be taught

I don’t want sex with a stranger and need to meet the sex worker first Arrange for such a meeting

I have no genitals as they were removed — how can I get help? A sex worker or Sexological Bodyworker can help you explore your body, help you to like and enjoy it, and train you how to be sexual and make love to a partner.

I hate my genitals but need to get over this A Tantric practitioner is probably best placed to support you on this journey.

I am a female with cerebral palsy and sex for me is painful A sex worker or a Sexological Bodyworker can teach you how to relax and enjoy penetrative sex. Having an orgasm first will relax your body and stop spasms.

  1. You might wish to purchase a sexual service, but you don’t know what to expect or how to ask for things.

This is very common amongst disabled as well as non-disabled people. People just don’t think this through in advance; they can also have unrealistic expectations, and then come away disappointed.

This section is to help prepare you.

Ask your service provider to :-

 

  • agree what support can be available to you – e.g. your friend, parent or care provider prepare you beforehand, wait outside then come back to wash and dress you. NB some care professionals don’t like to leave their vulnerable client alone with strangers and might want to be there at least at the beginning of the session.
  • explain & discuss in detail each step of the process

 

Points to consider :-

  • Any negative feelings of guilt might be discussed. Generally, if you regard this experience as an empowering, confidence-building education to raise your sexual self-esteem, rather than a shameful indulgence, you will gain much from it, plus gain the respect of your service provider.
  • If you have worries about having sex with a stranger, the professional may agree to meet you in advance.
  • Previous experiences (if any) can be discussed, plus all your fears.
  • You may need to tell the professionals how they may need to adapt their services to suit you, for example, describe your genitals to you if you are blind, or need to spend time touching all the erogenous zones to teach you if you are unable to touch yourself, how each part feels, etc.

Things you may need to know :-

  1. Contrary to what many believe, sex professionals have lower than average rates of sexually transmitted disease, and will happily discuss issues such as the use of condoms and dental damns with you.
  2. If you’ve not been able to get an erection previously because the condom makes you lose it, you could opt for non-penetrative sex, or ask the sex worker to wear a female condom.
  3. It is not essential to have sexual intercourse: you can choose which activities you want to happen.
  4. If you have no idea what you want, tell your service provider to try things to help you decide.
  5. Men want to see women, unless they are gay and most gay men find contacts for this via Gaydar. Women rarely hire men and you would be best off asking for guidance on making your selection. Many women choose to have a female sex worker because she feels safer.

 

  • Some sex professionals visit, whereas others like to work only in their own place. Most will do any kind of sex but also have limits (e.g. No anal or French kissing, which they perhaps save for their partner).

 

Here are some questions that may need answers regarding the encounter :-

  1. If you are seeing the service provider in your own bedroom, do you want it to be made more sexy / tidied up / made to look less medicalized?
  2. If you have specific care needs, will your PA / care-worker be available?
  3. Do you want to be naked, or dressed up?
  4. Who will see to your personal hygiene needs before the session?
  5. Will you need to alter your diet (if it affects toileting) before the session?
  6. Might a hoist be needed?
  7. The service provider might not be quite as you expect so try not to build up a picture of them in advance.
  8. How will the money be ready?
  9. Who will look after your personal hygiene after the session?

 

  • Who would you like to transport you to the service provider?

 

Making Your Booking

Look at our section called ‘Services’ and the map will tell you who is working near you. Examine their profiles to find out more about them and what they do. Many service providers work secretly so their mums and neighbors etc,, don’t find out what they do, so do not show their faces in their profiles, which is a shame.

The costs involved are not much higher than any other professional services and you can legitimately have your need written into your care package, or ask for money for Christmas / save up.

Rest assured that all the professionals on this site (and other respectable sites) will be free from sexually transmitted infections. In fact, they request that clients cancel if you have an infection such as a cold, since catching any infection would prevent them from working for a while.

We ask women to contact us if you wish to hire a male sex worker. It’s too easy to be lured by unprofessional guys, so we would rather you came to us, so we can help you find someone suitable. Women contact us for all kinds of reasons and perhaps the most impressive was when a mildly learning disabled young lady phoned to say she wanted to buy herself a shag for her 25th birthday!

Some parents may understandably prefer not to be involved , but say there is no one else to do it. You can rest assured that service providers you find on reputable sites are all likable, reliable, honest and highly professional and we have never had a complaint about them in since we began in 2000.

To find a sexual service, please note: we do not normally get involved in setting up a booking, so just look at the profiles in your area and contact the ones you think would be good, to make sure they are right for the job. If your carer is unwilling to support you, remind them that it is illegal not to support them to enjoy pleasures which other people enjoy in the privacy of their own homes, as this is discrimination. If this does not work, please contact us.

If there is no service provider listed on this site suitable for your needs and/or local enough, type “AdultWork” or “UKAdultZone” and your home town into a search engine and look around. You can make a ‘reverse booking’ whereby you describe the service you require and see which service providers turn up.

If you would prefer to use a website which offers reviews of the service providers, look at Punternet or similar.

If you want a Tantric practitioner or sexological bodyworker but none local to you are featured on this website, look at  http://www.shaktitantra.co.uk/practitioners  or http://sexologicalbodywork.co.uk/register-of-practitioners/. These both list reliable people.

You will probably find plenty of choice. Telephone, discuss and listen, and you will be able to work out if they sound suitable, by the way they answer your questions.

Advice to Health Professionals

General Advice

Please read our website and learn about this area of work and the type of transactions which take place, instead of calling us up for basic advice.

If there is no service provider, or no suitable service provider in your area, please try AdultWork or UKAdultZone or, if your client is gay, go to Gaydar, to see if you can find someone suitable. If they do a good job, please suggest they register on this site.

 

Advice for Health Professionals working in Residences and Hospices

Too many homes and hospices are held back by their trustees and governors who fear local or national scandal if sex workers are allowed into their establishments. You need to inform your board that it is illegal NOT to support your disabled residents to enjoy the same pleasures as others enjoy in the privacy of their own homes. Policies need to be drawn up for procedures to secure the safety and reputation of the home, at the same time as providing this support.

Since the scandal of the Sussex care home allowing sex workers into their residence, the press have “grown up”. In fact, Ch4 news has planned a story revealing the bad practice of homes refusing residents their sexual rights.

Obviously, a visit by a service provider needs to be handled discreetly so that other residents don’t know about it, and staff behave professionally. If members of staff object, they need to work elsewhere in your establishment, or leave.

By the way, any service provider arriving at your residence will look quite normal, and would pass as a relative or friend. Only once they engage in their work, might their appearance seem risqué or bizarre.

Sometimes it’s best if the booking is arranged to take place in a room quite separate from the area where residents live, perhaps the same suite where residences share a bed with their spouses or partners. It can have sexy and romantic décor, candles, etc., and be a perfect boudoir for sexual encounters.

 

Advice for Health Professionals sourcing specialist services

Sometimes disabled people are causing problems by expressing bizarre sexual needs and need a sex worker to satisfy those needs, to dissipate the problem.

If there is no specialist website providing such services, try Fetlife, where all kinds of people advertise, some commercial.

Search on this site, AdultWork, UKAdultZone, or Punternet for service providers in your geographical area and read their list of services. If available, read reviews on the sex worker. Don’t be afraid to contact sex workers to ask if they will provide such a service, as most are willing to do anything within reason.

Remember, it is illegal NOT to support your service users and clients to enjoy the same pleasures as others enjoy in the privacy of their own homes.

  • it is perfectly legal to make phone calls on your client’s behalf
  • it is perfectly legal for for a disabled resident to invite a sex worker into their room in their residential establishment or hospice.
  • the law around a residential home actually paying for this service is complicated, seek legal guidance.
  • local authorities and personal benefits certainly can legally, and do, in some circumstances, cover costs.
  • if your client lacks mental capacity, you and members of your practice can decide what is in their best interest and document how this decision was reached and, once this is done, legally proceed to find sexual help for him or her.

If you feel ill-equipped to discuss sex with clients, or feel insure about initiating discussions, see www.sexualrespect.com.

Financial Advice for Catastrophic Injury Complex Claims Solicitors

Our advice is thus: Cost per visit by sex worker: £150 (or £120 plus travel) Cost per visit to sex worker: £120 Frequency: Weekly Duration: Till the age of 80

Advice to Parents

Some parents are cool about supporting their young daughter or son to enjoy a sexual service, whilst others can’t stand the idea of it. Many people have read negative press on prostitution and believe most sex workers are trafficked and all sex work is violence to women. This is propaganda spread by religious and radical groups aiming to put an end to a service which is as old as human history.

You may need to let go and realise your child has become an adult, with a normal sex drive and sexual needs. They may have been deprived normal teenage sexual experimentation and fun and need to catch up for lost time.  

 

  • You can rest assured that service providers you find on reputable sites are all reliable, honest and highly professional and we have never had a complaint in since we began in 2000.
  • If he or she has a short life expectancy, then there even more urgency and importance that they enjoy as much as possible in the time left for them.
  • They could die before knowing what it’s like to enjoy sex, so. you may need to learn what services  they would like and let them know what services are available and the two of you can decide which ones would be most suitable.

Advice to Service Providers

Your Profile

Please mention which acts you are unwilling to provide.

Please give clients the choice of emailing or phoning you.

If there are any types of impairment that you are uncomfortable working with, better mention that (and perhaps why).

Give potential clients as much information about you as possible.

Use the type of language that our sample profile uses.

You will be required to have a professional online presence to be accepted onto this website.

If you experience problems with a client and would like to warn other others, please contact Pru and she will spread the word.

 

Seeing the disabled client

Be prepared to discuss the session at length in advance, to decide between you:-

~ the nature of their impairment and anything you need to know about it.

~ the time required – they may need longer than others because perhaps it takes them longer to strip, their speech is poor, or they will orgasm immediately because they haven’t done so for months, and may need time to get a second erection or otherwise recover.

~  if they will be made ready by care support staff.

~ what their needs are – many may seek an education on how to enjoy their bodies and how to please a partner. If they are shy or uncertain, you could start by asking them if they have any fetishes or kinky yearnings and you could go through the list of different reasons disabled people need your service at the beginning of this section.

~ how the money will be paid, etc.

~ You may need to find out how they like to be touched and they should tell you if anything you do feels uncomfortable. Most people assume that someone with a disabled body needs gentleness but it may be quite the opposite.

Striptease artists may want to work out how to please each client, for example if they are blind, might you let them smell you or even touch you, with your guidance?

 

Impairments you may encounter

Disabled people may find that those providing finance for full time care, and/or the carers themselves may disapprove of the use of sexual services maybe using the excuse of your vulnerability. The client can, if they have the funds, hire their own staff to prepare them, allow the service provider access to their abode, and wash them afterwards.

These are the most common impairments seen by service providers :-

 

Aspergers Syndrome
Aspergers is high functioning autism and those with Aspergers are mostly men. They are usually  highly intelligent but see the world differently and struggle with social situations. They may want to discuss their favourite subject (e.g. engineering) and unable to provide empathy. Many service providers find them difficult clients but if you teach them one thing you will be helping them enormously. This is taking it in turns to start what you want during sex so they become considerate lovers. Read Maxine Aston’s articles and books, e.g. Aspergers in Love.

Blindness aka Visual Impairment
Most visually impaired people have some sight but not all. If they are newly blind, they may have experienced a marital breakup and be extremely depressed so one of your functions should be to cheer them up! Visual sexual stimulation is not possible and so use erotic speech to excite them. People who have been blind since birth or before puberty might want to know what their breasts/nipples and genitals look like as well as yours.

Cerebral Palsy aka CP
The most common form of CP is Spastic CP.

Spastic Cerebal Palsy
People with spastic CP have increased muscle tone. This means their muscles are stiff and, as a result, their movements can be awkward. Muscle weakness and paralysis may also be present. The symptoms can affect the entire body or just one side of the body.

Hypotonic Cerebral Palsy
Hypotonic CP causes diminished muscle tone and overly relaxed muscles. The arms and legs move very easily and appear floppy, like a rag doll. They can also have difficulty speaking, poor reflexes, and walking abnormalities.

Athetoid Cerebral Palsy involuntary movement, especially in the arms, legs, and hands. Their speech may be difficult to understand and limbs flail about. Being close to them means that you need to be aware that their limbs might kick or hit you.

Ataxic Cerebral Palsy is the least common type of CP. It affects coordinated movements., balance and posture.  Control of eye movements and depth perception can be impaired. Often, fine motor skills requiring coordination of the eyes and hands, such as writing, are difficult. Movements that often appear disorganized, clumsy, or jerky. People with this form of CP usually have problems with balance and coordination. They may have difficulty walking and performing fine motor functions, such as grasping objects and writing.

Deaf aka hearing impaired
I am including deaf people here not because I think they are frequent clients but because they can be very cut off from the rest of society and find socialising and relationship difficult. Those born deaf tend to live in deaf communities but those who loose all their hearing but speak are very isolated – people don’t understand that lip reading requires light on the mouth in clear view of their eyes. If they don’t understand you, write things down.

Disfigurement
Until they have gained enough confidence to socialise normally, many disfigured people are so ashamed or embarrassed about their looks that they avoid mixing socially and expect to be accepted as lovers. Your job is to help them gain that confidence.

Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy
This is a progressive muscular condition which boys have and, until recently their life expectancy was early 20’s. But now, with the use of oxygen, which keeps the muscles working they are living twice as long. So numbers you see may drop but, with the threat of early death, most are/were eager to enjoy themselves sexually while they are alive. Indeed, Nick Davis was featured on television getting a booking with a TLC sex worker via a phone call to me (I had no idea the call was being filmed!). He was in a hospice run by nuns who said he could not have the encounter there, so it happened in his parents’ home. He has since, sadly, passed away. A member of Outsiders with Duchenne found a sex worker with whom he has chemistry, and he sees her regularly.

Incontinence – people with catheters and/or ostomies
People who have these problems are usually incredibly secretive with friends and colleagues about them ,and terrified of having their condition discovered by a lover. This is, of course ridiculous, as all but the really squeamish really don’t mind. It would be great if you could teach them to relax, practice talking, even laughing about it, so that they are free to find partners and enjoy sexual encounters. 

Learning Disability
We have several learning disabled people brought by their parents to service providers. They have sexual needs like anybody else but they may be clumsy at seduction and not meet others like them. Very few people who are not learning disabled would be able to have a relationship wit them, whereas physically, socially and sensory disabled people are more easily accepted as partners by able bodied people.

Some learning disabled people don’t know how to masturbate and may need teaching. There maybe other huge gaps in their sexual knowledge and education, e.g. with safer sex. You can help t keep them safe and satisfied.

Motor Neurone Disease
Motor neurone disease (MND) is a progressive disease that attacks the nerves, in the brain and spinal cord. This means messages gradually stop reaching muscles, which leads to weakness and wasting. It leads to lack of speech, and movement early death.

MS aka Multiple Sclerosis
Progressive condition limiting movement and speech. MS may bring painfully heightened sensitivity to some areas of the body, including the genitals, and all kinds of changes in sensation in the body. They may want to start the session with body mapping, to explore how each part of their body is feeling at the moment.

Stroke
Stroke survivors vary enormously, from lucky people like myself who pretty much recover to those who cannot move or speak. Some spend long periods in hospital and they are allowed to share a bed, so you may get hired. I have always thought that those with aphasia who cannot speak could have a wonderful conversation with a sex provider using the body to express each other. 

Spinal Atrophy
This is a slow progressive condition which prevents the person so impaired (note, do not use the word ‘sufferer’ as they don’t necessarily suffer) from movement of limbs. You can take their hand and place it on your hair, breast or pussy, et so that they can touch you. You can play with their cock (they are mostly men) so they can watch and enjoy. Talk, listen and obey!

Spinal Injury
Maybe paraplegic, which would mean they are paralysed from the waste down, or quadriplegic / tetraplegic in which case paralysed from the neck down. Injury may be complete in which case they can feel nothing below the level of injury or incomplete in which case they will have some feeling.

Quads can have Autonomic Dysreflexia which they are trained to recognise and deal with, it could mean the sexual activity must stop.