Why

Why TLC ?

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The Yearning by Belinda Mason

Most disabled people want to find love and enjoy a happy sexual relationship. But they may be single, sexually frustrated and worried they will never have sex. They may feel deprived of touch – human physical contact – which is essential snf people get depressed without it. They don’t feel encouraged by society or maybe even their friends, family or care staff to do anything positive to move forward on this matter. TLC is here to support them and give them opportunities.

If somebody is never touched and sexually frustrated, they are not the best company, maybe depressed or even behaving badly. Having a sexual outlet changes everything.

 

Who is Behind TLC and Why ?

Myself, Tuppy Owens started TLC after listening to disabled members of Outsiders Club and callers on the Sex and Disability Helpline. They proved to me there was a need. I knew many sex workers, including Tantric sex workers,  as I had formed Prostitution Pride in the Sexual Freedom Coalition in the late 1990s. They all said they enjoyed seeing disabled clients. They shared an identity with disabled people, as both groups feel stigmatized.

When I created the Sexual Health and Disability Alliance, SHADA the manager of a residence for disabled people told the group that her staff were selling sexual services because the residents were sexually frustrated. When she heard about British sex workers working with disabled clients, she realised she could encourage them to come and see to the residents needs, so that staff would no longer need to be offering such service services.

Listening to disabled people’s sexual needs over the years (since 1979) I heard of some bad experiences with service providers, I realised we needed to provide a safe and easy way for them to have good services and experiences.

When TLC was created and became an instant success.

My good colleague, Tantric teacher, Sue Newsome called me one morning to say the quadriplegic member of Outsider she had agreed to see had cancelled his appointment, claiming he did not have the money. I suggested to her, ‘just go to see him anyway, I bet once you get inside his home you will see evidence of expensive purchases and he will be able to pay you.’ She went along and yes! There were photos of skiing holidays on the wall and his real reason was nerves. He continued to see Sue (or her colleagues) for the rest of his life. Before he died, he called me to tell me that, thanks to Sue, he had enjoyed his first orgasm since his injury.

Now TLC is in it’s fourth incarnation an we are happy to include sexological bodyworkers, a new and very welcome profession. It is especially useful to people with disabilities and a blind woman and others report good outcomes. We are also including striptease artists as some disabled people find intimacy and touch too overwhelming, or else choose a stripper as a first step to having sexual contact.

I have gained the support of human rights lawyer, Professor Claire de Than who advises me on the law, which ensures I get it right when speaking about it.

What are all the reasons why disabled people use sexual services?

~ they may want to be taught what their bodies are capable of, how to please a partner

~ to enjoy a wonderful sexual / girlfriend or boyfriend experiences

~ to lose their virginity

~ to experiment – one young member of Outsiders went to see a dominatrix in order to learn how to become one herself and try it out

~ for some, have orgasms which otherwise they cannot achieve alone.

~ acceptance. Sexual expression may mean many things, and disabled people need to know that you will not be judged by your requests, however embarrassing you find them. People who provide sexual services have heard it all before, and are totally discreet.

For many disabled people, just being in a warm set of arms, and having their bodies accepted, is incredibly powerful and helps you build your sexual confidence and walk tall (or wheel tall) in the world. Having your sexuality taken seriously without stigma or disapproval can be liberating and life-changing. For some, actually enjoying an orgasm at last can bring your life into balance.

~ and, of course, for pleasure !

 

Why we ask women to contact us if they wish to hire a male sex worker. I

It’s too easy to be lured by unprofessional guys. So, we I rather they spoke to me or a colleague, to find someone suitable. Women may want the service for all kinds of reasons and perhaps the most impressive was when a mildly learning disabled young lady phoned to say she wanted to buy herself a shag for her 21st birthday!

 

Why some care staff need to learn about the law and support their clients

I hear dreadful stories of disabled clients being denied support from their care staff to enjoy an experience with a service provider. One sex worker reported that her client’s care team refused to wash him after a session! Please note: spunk is not disgusting or dangerous, in fact it is quite nutritious!

Why some disabled people are really worried

The threat of the buying of sex becoming illegal in England, Scotland and/or Wales means that callers on the helpline are in tears, afraid their sex life may be terminated. If they rely on professional carers to support them see a service provider, that carer is not allowed to break the law, so the disabled client cannot sneak a session like other punters do in countries which have this silly law.

You will notice that I won a UNESCO award for my work and so.

Long Live TLC!